Trying to become a morning person

Spoiler: it hasn’t worked yet.

I really want to become a morning person. Someone who doesn’t hate the sound of their alarm clock. Or dread any early morning appointment because she knows she hasn’t gotten enough sleep.

I’m not talking about rigidly waking up at 5 am. I’m not in that club. I just want to have some time for myself before my 9-5 starts. To drink a warm beverage, to look out the window. To see the world waking up.

I remember a time when I’d wake up, without an alarm, utterly happy. Not tired, not lethargic, but excited and ready for the day. It might be an unattainable ideal. An imaginary time in my youth. But I do feel the mornings have more in store for me than what I’m getting out of them now.

I’m currently waking up with multiple alarms. Mine and my partners. I snooze as long as I can and then rush to get ready. It’s no fun at all. In fact, it’s pretty stressful.

I want to wake up with enough sleep. Preferably without an alarm, but that’s definitely unattainable. Let’s be real, an alarm is part of it. But when that music goes off I don’t want to feel like I need an extra five hours of sleep, at least. Is that possible, being an adult in our society? Or is everyone just on the brink of exhaustion all the time?

I’ve recently taken up the habit to read in the morning. It’s only a quick couple pages before I need to jump in the shower. How amazing would it be if I really had some time? To make tea and sit by the window seeing the world wake up. What if I had a moment to gather my thoughts before my time belongs to someone else?

With a 9-5, most of my time belongs to my employer. Luckily, I really like my job and the (financial) freedom that comes with it. I don’t mind it that much. I even have the luxury to put on a load of washing or tidy the house during a slow day. 

But because my time during the days is someone else’s, I want to have time for me beforehand. I want to be myself for a little while. Without any attachments, to-do lists or social pressure.

Now, reading this, you’re probably asking what time I’m going to bed. 

Let’s not get into that..

Nope. 

It’s probably the first question that pops into everyone’s head.

Usually about 11:30pm. Which isn’t too bad, but I suspect it’s too late for me.

When my time is my own again, it feels like my life actually begins. But only the evening is left. And those are over so quickly. I want to do so many hobbies before going to bed.

I’m not sure if finding a different job or having more hours in the morning to myself is the solution, though. 

I remember a time when I worked part-time. And I had multiple days a week where I could lay in bed as long as I wanted and nobody was waiting on me. Done with school and no ambition to dive headfirst into an ambitious job. 

I wanted to enjoy the free time. For the first time in 18 years I had no education to complete. The way that was paved for me by societal norms had come to an end. This is where parental pressure to finish school stopped and you were on your own. 

I feel lucky and very privileged to think back to that time and know I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t scared for what the future held or for how my life would turn out. 

The mornings when I worked I had to get up early, but most of the week I had no such stimulation. And on my off days I usually lay in bed until noon. Even though I was never bored and could think of a million fun things to do. 

Even though I didn’t always like my job, the routine gave me a really nice structure. When I had to rely on discipline alone, it turned out to be much harder.

Maybe that’s also the thing that prevents me from going to bed earlier now.

I saw someone on Pinterest say that discipline is “having such a clear idea of your identity that you stop negotiating with your feelings”.

And in this world of always having to be the best version of yourself and keeping to a strict routine or building discipline even if you hate it - I really liked this outlook on it. 

It doesn’t feel forced just because you enforce it. This version of discipline is being so in tune with who you are that you flow into it. 

Starting work at 9 but also being able to work from home at times gives me structure and discipline. It takes procrastination out of the equation. Look at me, I’ve started rhyming.

Time to wrap this essay up, before poetry is running amuck.