What if I don’t want to work?

What if I don’t feel called to a profession or an occupation? Right now I work 32 hours a week, not even fulltime. And I already have too little time for my interests and aspirations. It’s only been two years since I’ve officially entered the workforce, but I’m already questioning my existence as an adult in this society. 

How do people have time for their personal ambitions? Especially people with children? I haven’t cracked the code on how people manage it all. Not ‘all’ in the way of managing literally all aspects of life. But ‘all’ in the sense of: all of your identity. 

This is not accusing our society or deeming it bad in any way. I’m genuinely curious. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not prioritizing the right things? Is there always going to be a disbalance between what I want to do and the time I have? 

I used to have a very effective morning and evening routine. But those didn’t give me the benefits I expected. They turned out to be more of an annoying chore than something that made me happy, so I stopped.

Now I’m trying to take up hobbies and do self-care based on what I feel I need in that particular moment. Is that too unpolished?

I really like my job. It’s fun, it’s challenging and diverting. I learn a whole lot of new things and I meet new and different kinds of people. But the job doesn’t define me as a person. It doesn’t solely fulfill me. And I’m okay with that. 

But because it doesn’t define me, it’s also not enough for me to spend the majority of my time on my job and household chores. It’s not even fulfilling enough if you throw friends, family and exercise in the mix. I want more. 

I want personal development, hobbies, and adventures. I want to try things and fail. 

It sometimes feels like my free time is too precious to waste on new things. On trying things. It’s better spent chasing instant gratification with social media, online shopping sprees or watching movies. 

Attempting something, without knowing if I’ll succeed is much too great a risk knowing I only have a very limited amount of free time. 

But I know that’s not true. It’s the sheer pressure of being an adult in this society. The demand it lays on us. 

I also know that art and creativity are values much greater than our daily responsibilities. Time spent on your inner person, your inner world, is always time well spent. 

I just have to remind myself of that sometimes.